Summer Solstice Blessings

Yesterday, I joined with friends to celebrate the Summer Solstice. In the garden of one of the Moot members, we first blessed the area he has earmarked for what will eventually become a stone circle within a grove of trees. The area already feels magical, sacred. I hope we will all celebrate many more festivals together there over the coming years.

Then, as the evening sun slanted through tall trees we watched a ritual drama unfold. The Oak King and Holly King battled for supremacy - the Holly King (of winter) eventually claiming victory over the Oak King (of summer) whose strength begins to decline along with the sun now that the longest day has passed.

However, the visualisation that followed reminded us that there is still plenty of summer left to come, many more blue skies and sunny days before the cool breath of autumn is felt on our skin. The visualisation took us to a midsummer celebration where we took stock of our many blessings at this time, and afterwards we were each given a pouch (handknitted by Pinky) to which we added shells and beads to symbolise those blessings. I took a small, yet perfect spiral shell for mine, which seemed to me to sum up the simple contentment with life that I currently feel.

Having found myself again I have also found new love. My relationship with - well, let's call him IB for now - is blossoming and I am very, very happy.

I am planning for my future and examining ways that I may be able to stay at Halfway Up A Hill, instead of moving as I first thought I would have to when T and I parted.

I have begun co-teaching a series of magickal workshops with a friend, which are going even better than expected and bringing in a little extra cash.

And later this week, my parents will finally - after all kinds of delays and disappointments over the last two years or so - move into their new home, about 10 miles from me. It will be so lovely to have them close by.

So many blessings, summed up in one tiny shell.

Quick March!

Photo: Flamenco dancers, Dali Restaurant, Vera Beach Club

Just like the flamenco dancer in this photo, March went past in a blur. Looking back I can't believe I crammed so much in!


The first week was busy, full of optician's appointments, getting the central heating boiler serviced and running errands for friends and neighbours. At the weekend I drove down to my brother Mike's place in Somerset, and then the two of us travelled down to Crawley together to visit old friends who were celebrating the official opening of the new fire pit in their garden!

I have known Viv since we were at school together, but we haven't seen much of each other lately so it was great to catch up with her and her lovely husband John. The fire pit - built by John - was a great success, enabling us to sit out late into the evening chatting, drinking wine, singing songs and toasting marshmallows even though it was still only the beginning of March. We were joined by a group of other friends including my sister Cathy and her husband Julian (who came from Kent - a much shorter journey than from Somerset and Wales!).


Photo: Mike & Viv at breakfast on Sunday morning

Mike and I stayed over and enjoyed the garden again the next morning, sitting out on Viv & John's sun-trap patio for a leisurely breakfast before heading back home.

The next week was marred by having to have Tigger put down unexpectedly on Monday.

More bad news followed when it turned out the venue I was hoping to use for the Dream Workshop I was organising with Anne Hill the following weekend had become unavailable. At such short notice I decided the only option was to hold it at my house instead - which then meant a frantic round of cleaning and tidying and moving furniture to make the place fit for visitors!

The day before the Workshop (14th March), I attended the planning meeting for the Spring Equinox ritual of the Carmarthen Moot. I had expected to be unable to attend the ritual itself as I would be away the following weekend, but it transpired that many members would also be busy that weekend, so it was postponed until Sunday 29th March.

Despite the late change of venue, the Dream Workshop with Anne was well attended and greatly enjoyed by everyone. Anne was wonderful and we all learned a great deal, both about working with dreams, and also about ourselves through insights gained by examining our dreams. There is now great enthusiasm for creating a local dream group! If you get a chance to attend one of Anne's workshops, I thoroughly recommend them - and also her new book, 'What To Do When Dreams Go Bad', a signed copy of which Anne was kind enough to gift me with.

It was a great weekend, but now I was feeling time pressured - I had a busy week ahead and I also had to prepare for travelling to Spain with my friend Suzanne on 21st March, plus the Pagan Federation Regional Conference in Cardiff was looming straight afterwards. I had booked a stall there and was hoping for the opportunity to sell lots of my crafts - and there were a million things to organise before then!

The week leading up to the holiday in Spain was so busy I didn't have time to pack until the Friday, when I was planning to drive up to Suzanne's place in Croydon as we had to catch an early flight out of Gatwick on Saturday morning. Unfortunately there was a power cut overnight meaning my alarm clock didn't go off on Friday morning and I overslept by a disastrous two hours! This made me late leaving and of course I then ran into horrendous traffic by the time I hit the M25. So I arrived pretty frazzled and much later than planned at Suzanne's! She and another friend, Annie (who lives near Suzanne) were waiting patiently for me and we spent a nice evening chatting and munching pizza before a relatively early night as we had to be up by 5am the next morning to get to the airport!

I feel a bit guilty that I have been to Spain twice in the last couple of months, especially as I think I should really be battening down the hatches and being frugal until the divorce is settled! But this trip was planned way back at the end of last summer (the Barcelona trip was a last minute affair, spurred by the feeling that I should see the Rubinoos when the chance offered itself!), and everyone has been assuring me that a break at this stage in the divorce is a Good Idea. Who am I to argue?

Suzanne and I travelled to Almeria and spent a wonderfully restful week at the very lovely Vera Beach Club resort. It was the perfect holiday for the two of us, both feeling stressed out by our respective current circumstances (Suzanne: job, me: divorce) - the resort was quiet, peaceful, beautiful and the local people were kind and friendly. I would thoroughly recommend the area to anyone wanting a relaxing break.






I have plenty more photos to inflict on you - particularly from the day we visited the Alhambra Palace - but I will post those separately!


The week left us beautifully relaxed, but unfortunately the travelling home undid a lot of the good work! We had to be up at just after 6am to get to Almeria airport in time to check in for our flight, then caught a connecting flight in Barcelona which landed at Heathrow. The next leg of the journey was catching a bus back to Suzanne's house so I could pick up my car. The bus was particularly slow due to all the Saturday afternoon traffic, and we didn't get back to Croydon until about 5.30pm. And then I had to drive back to Wales! Luckily there wasn't too much traffic but I was exhausted by the time I got home (at about 10.30pm) and felt in need of a holiday...


Cathy and Julian had been house-sitting for me and doing some decorating while I was gone so the good news was the house looking brilliant! The bad news was that the clocks went forward that night so I lost a much needed hour of sleep.


Cathy and Julian left the next day (I wished they could have stayed longer, but they needed to get home). Once they'd gone I gathered together stuff for the Carmarthen Moot Spring Equinox ritual and headed off in the car to start picking people up. Normally we hold rituals in the centre of Carmarthen, which is easy for people to get to. But our usual venue is now unavailable, so one of the members had kindly offered the use of his garden, which was lovely, but unfortunately not easy to get to by public transport. Somehow I managed to pack myself, four passengers and a whole load of ritual gear into my tiny car and we set off! The ritual went really well - although it was a little chilly - and a good time was had by all. Not having the time constraints imposed by our previous venue meant that we carried on chatting and eating much longer than normal. By the time we finally left and I had dropped everyone at their various destinations I didn't get home until 9.30pm!


It was quite dark by then, and the chickens and geese needed shutting away. Julian had mentioned that a mystery animal had been digging in the compost heap, pulling compost all over the path while I'd been away, so I was quite anxious to check the chickens were OK when I got back. They are in a supposedly predator-proof run with high wire fences and netting over the top of the run, as we have suffered chicken casualties in the past due to both foxes and buzzards. Going down to the run with a torch, I opened the door to do a quick head count and was relieved to see everyone present and correct. But when I turned to leave the run, the beam of the torch lit up a chicken-sized hole in the fence! I suddenly realised that my wily hens had been letting themselves out into the non-predator-safe vegetable patch every day while I'd been away, and they themselves were in fact the mystery compost-diggers! Luckily all had survived the experience and I patched up the hole before letting them out again the next morning - much to their disappointment.


The postscript to my March adventures was the Pagan Fed Conference on 4th April. The week leading up to it was a frantic rush to get everything ready to sell on the stall. I had another 5am start (groan) to get down to Barry Island early enough to set up before the doors opened at 9am (and after packing up at 6.30pm and dropping various people off en route I finally got back home at about 10pm!). It was a very good day of talks and ritual, I saw many friends there and... I sold almost nothing. I didn't, in fact, even cover my costs. Oh well, can't win them all. On the plus side, I now have lots and lots of stuff to put on Etsy - so don't forget to check out my store for lots of new goodies which will be appearing over the next few weeks!


So in summing up all the events and excitement of March I would say that I feel like I need another holiday now!!

Good Morning - And Now For A Quick Commercial Break...

I have been feeling guilty about not posting recently on the blog. This is not for lack of things to post about, but for lack of time. In due course I hope to find time to blog about the Grand Opening of the Fire Pit party, the Dream Workshop with the wonderful Anne Hill, my (second!) trip to Spain, my newly decorated house, recent chicken adventures, the Carmarthen Moot's Spring Equinox ritual, and the hard work getting my craft items ready to sell at the Pagan Federation's regional Spring Conference on Barry Island this coming Saturday (that last bit was the commercial break, by the way - if you're coming to the conference, do come along and introduce yourself at the 'Moonroot Designs' stall!).

But in the meantime, this morning is so beautiful I just had to take a few minutes out to grab my camera, take some shots of the early sunshine sparkling dew on soon-to-be-blossoming buds and say good morning to you. Good morning!

Autumn Equinox

Gathering in the temple, we created elemental altars together. One each for earth, air, fire, water and spirit. Draped cloths in each of the four quarters, plus one in the centre of our circle were adorned with flowers, crystals, feathers, candles, shells, incense... The temple space was cleansed with incense and salt water. We cleansed each other and entered...

Together in our peaceful sanctuary, we grounded, cast a circle and invoked the elements, Deities and other Mysterious Ones.

In this time of balance and change, we wrote on leaves those things we would shed and cast them into the cauldron to be transformed. In this time of harvest, we took apples, naming them for those things we would gratefully reap and take with us into the dark half of the year. In this time of community celebration we gifted eachother with hazelnuts, naming them for the blessings we would wish on eachother.

In this time of Autumn Equinox I gathered with good friends in celebration, shed my fears and tears and grief, held on to my hopes and blessings, and discovered all the good things others wish for me. In this pause from routine, this place of balance between light and dark, summer and winter, when day and night stand as equals, I felt the shift and realised that both balance and change are necessary.

The universe is in a fine dance between stasis and chaos. And so am I. This time of upheaval in my life may well turn out to be a blessing. I am certain that it will be a time of growth and learning.

Blessed Be.

P.S. Paul's account of the ritual is here.

Lughnasadh

On Saturday, we celebrated Lughnasadh (also known as Lammas) with others from the Carmarthenshire Pagan community. One of the themes of the festival is 'abundance', as it marks the grain harvest, and although we had a lower attendance than at the Litha ritual, we certainly managed to manifest plenty of abundance! The Earth altar was laden with corn dollies and summer fruits. At its foot was a 'Basket of Abundance' - we had asked those attending to bring a gift to give away, preferably something they had made themselves. As it turned out, most people had brought several gifts to give away, and the 'Basket of Abundance' was brimming with home-made jam, baked goods, herbal goodies and handicrafts. In the end, the basket was passed several times and we all went home with not one, but three gifts each - and there was still a surplus which will go into the Carmarthen Moot raffle to raise funds for community projects. What an excellent, practical, magical example of how sharing your harvest brings even more bounty.

P.S. Paul has written a great account of our ritual here.

Summer Solstice

Yesterday I celebrated the Summer Solstice (Litha) with other members of the Carmarthenshire Pagan Community. We gathered for a ritual in which we intended to "Celebrate light and life, taking the life force of the sun and putting it to work in our lives".

Many people came early to help set up the space, which made a nice, friendly, informal start. We ended up with five beautiful altars dedicated to the elements (Earth, Air, Fire and Water in the four corners of the room, and a central Spirit altar). As more people arrived we realised that despite the terrible weather, people were keen to be a part of this event (luckily we had elected to hold the ritual indoors!). People had come from as far away as St David's, Aberystwyth and Cardiff, which was absolutely wonderful. We were all particularly pleased to see G, who moved to Cardiff about six months ago and hasn't been able to come to the Moots since. His arrival was a lovely surprise and he was greeted by many enthusiastic hugs!

The central meditation focused on Litha being a time of love and joy, and encouraged people to notice the everyday things that are such a source of joy, yet often get overlooked. Afterwards we raised a big juicy cone of power by chanting and dancing - D had brought his guitar and P and I had brought our drums, which all really helped to get people into the spirit. We used the power raised to send positive energy out into the world, and also to charge some candles with blessings for some good friends of the community who could do with an extra 'boost' right now. We will burn these candles over the coming weeks until they are completely burned down, releasing the energy to go where it is needed.

After we had finished the ritual, devoked and opened the circle, everyone enjoyed themselves eating, drinking and socialising. Most people had brought food contributions, so we had many delicacies to share including biscuits, cake, fresh strawberries and other fruit, juices and some wonderful home-made mead.

Sadly we had to eventually pack away and depart to avoid getting a parking ticket! Here's looking forward to whatever we get up to at Lammas...

Beltane 2008

Last year I celebrated Beltane in Portsmouth at the British Reclaiming Spring Gathering.

This year I helped create a ritual for members of my local Pagan Moot, although the invitation was also sent out on the Carmarthenshire Pagans yahoo list so that any Pagans in the Carmarthenshire area who wanted to come along could. It was held on a warm, sunny Saturday afternoon in a room on the top floor of an old pub in Carmarthen that has recently been converted by friends of mine into a really wonderful magic shop.

Here's what I wrote in my journal afterwards:

Beltane 2008

The creak and dark of a town-centre upstairs room, warm early summer light and life filtering in through shaded windows.

Altars to the five elements: silky fabric, candles, shells, stones, feathers, flowers, incense, crystals...

Stockinged feet on worn oak floorboards.

Collaborative circle casting, element calling.

Quiet visualisation, smiles.

Singing softly, weaving bracelets.

Sharing visions...

'May you never hunger, may you never thirst'.

Soft laughter together, new friendships blossom.

Reluctance to part, this quiet friendly time and space apart from the hustling bustling world is sacred, precious.

Helping hands pack away, graciously help to carry.

Hugs, kisses, thanks, see you soon!

Parting.

Going home.

Tired, happy.

I hope you all had a good Beltane too!

Returning to Balance

Happy Summer Solstice!

It has been a strange week. T had taken time off work to finish painting the house, a job he started last summer but didn't get completed before the autumn weather closed in. Unfortunately he chose the wrong week. It has rained, rained and then rained again. He erected the scaffolding for the job last weekend, and yesterday he finally admitted defeat and took it down, unused. Of course, today the sun finally came out.

Yesterday was the summer solstice, the longest day of the year, when the sun is at its peak (for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere that is). From now on, the days will gradually shorten, imperceptibly at first. Although it's hard to grasp right now, with summer really getting into her stride, we are re-entering the dark half of the year. For the sun, it's all down hill from here.

It has made me think about balance and imbalance. For the last week or so I feel like I've been way out of balance - at full stretch, trying to juggle so many projects and tasks that at times I've felt completely overwhelmed. Each day has been completely filled with activity, carrying on until bedtime and resuming early the next morning. It's been the same for T; although he hasn't been able to get on with painting the house as he planned, he still has a huge mountain of other tasks to work on - getting our wind generator up and running, chopping & stacking the wood from the trees felled by winter gales, and remodelling our kitchen just to name a few. As a result, the week of him being at home that we were both looking forward to has ended up with us hardly seeing each other. And I know that when we have been together, I've mostly been stressed and tetchy.

Yesterday I hosted a Summer Solstice Ritual for members of my local Pagan Moot. It was something I'd committed to before things got so crazy, and I didn't want to cancel - although it was tempting at times. I've been wanting to build Pagan community here, celebrate the Wheel of the Year with others, make connections. Of course, like all the best-laid plans it didn't quite work out as I'd expected: for one thing the awful weather meant my lovingly conceived outdoor ritual had to be scrapped and another put together at pretty short notice. Being forced to celebrate indoors also meant that far from enjoying the beauty and serenity of the June garden my guests had to negotiate the building site that currently passes for my kitchen. No matter. The living room was beautifully decorated with vases of flowers, draped saris, representations of the elements and deities, and candles and incense. The ritual went smoothly and a good time was had by all. We may even do it again!

Late to bed, I had an amazing dream, in which a beautiful pure white swallow nestled trustingly in my hands. I was filled with the most amazing feeling of serenity and calm, just knowing that everything would be alright.

I awoke this morning feeling calm. Although I still have a mountain of things to do, and I probably should be worrying myself into a lather about the Summer Gathering, the new bees, the slugs and rabbits in the vegetable patch and the state of the kitchen, somehow I can't. T and I have worked hard today, but for the first time all week we have also made time for ourselves and each other. We picked summer berries in the sun together, ate lunch together, had proper conversations, and smiled and laughed together.

I am lucky to have such a wonderful husband, who has taken time to help me with my workload even while struggling with his own, has held my hand and calmed me when I've got overwhelmed and tearful, listened to my woes, and last night endured a houseful of strangers celebrating a festival he doesn't really 'get' - all because he knows it's important to me. I'm so lucky to have him keeping me balanced even when everything else seems way off-kilter. I hope I do the same for him.

Busy Bees

Oh. My. God. To say the least.

I am beyond exhausted.

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you'll know about my disappointment at the cancellation of Avalon Witchcamp. In the aftermath, a suggestion was made that an alternative event be put on in its place. Somehow - I guess I'm just a gal who can't say no - I have found myself in the thick of organising a Reclaiming Summer Gathering for disappointed Witchcampers and other interested parties. It has been exhausting just because there is so much to do before the Gathering manifests in early August. Plus there are complicated financial manoeuvres to ensure Avalon gets paid back its deposit on the venue so that disappointed Witchcampers can get reimbursed their deposits so they can pay to come to the Gathering. I think. My head is spinning just thinking about it. And of course we are trying to decide what workshops and activities to provide, what supplies we may need to cost in and how to get word out in time to ensure a good attendance.


On top of that I'm working on a fundraising project to help Avalon out with the balance of the debts they've incurred in planning camp for this year. I've been pasting together a 'Best Of' the British Reclaiming Newsletter (of which I'm editor) to sell to raise funds. It's been fiddly and time consuming, but I'm quite pleased with the results so far, and I already have three advance orders, even though it's not quite ready yet.


And for some reason I can't quite remember in the midst of all this - although I do know that it seemed a grand idea at the time - I've invited the members of the local Pagan Moot along to a Summer Solstice ritual and feast next Thursday evening, for which I have so far had absolutely no time to prepare.


Plus in the mundane world of Jobs That Must Be Done I'm in the middle of painting our kitchen, and trying to stay on top of a garden that - now we've had some rain - thinks it's some kind of temperate jungle.


And the phone hasn't stopped ringing all day (I think everyone who knows us has rung at least once).


By this evening I was really, really tired - and more than happy to sit down in front of the TV to watch Dr Who and consume veg & cashew nut stir fry and a bottle or two of lager. Ah!


Ah! That is, until I strolled down the hill to give the chickens their evening corn - and discovered bees swarming in one of the trees in the orchard. Then it was more like, 'Aaaaaaaggghhhh!!!!!'.


There were two possibilities - either they were our own bees, about to fly off and forsake us for pastures new, or they were a new swarm looking for a home. With a decent swarm of bees at the local auction fetching on average £130 this spring, either way we didn't want to lose them. Knowing that a swarm can take off and fly away at any moment, I dashed breathlessly back up the hill to alert T. We struggled into our protective gear and grabbed a spare hive and a box to shake the swarm into. Have you ever tried to run full pelt down a Welsh hillside in a beekeeping suit and veil whilst carrying a hive? I really don't recommend it. Especially after a large plate of stir fry and a couple of lagers.


It says in all the books that swarming bees are docile and don't sting (wrong!). It says that all you have to do is give the branch a firm shake and the whole mass will fall gently into the box from whence they can be transferred to their new home (wrong!). It makes it sound like a piece of cake. It isn't. These bees have obviously been reading different books.


But, at last they were (most of them) in their new hive. Tomorrow we will be able to have a proper check and establish if we've merely relocated our existing bees or if we're lucky enough, captured a new swarm. Right now I actually don't care much. At least I should sleep well!

More Than Halfway

I see my folks are getting old,
And I watch their bodies change.
I know they see the same in me
And it makes us both feel strange;
No matter how you tell yourself
It's what we all go through -
Those lines get pretty hard to take
When they're staring back at you.

- 'In the Nick of Time' by Bonnie Raitt

I've been thinking about my age recently. It all started I suppose at the local Pagan Moot (a monthly social meeting) where the youngest member (17) enquired about my age. When I told him he expressed surprise that I'm younger than his mum. He wasn't intending to be rude, but the implication was that I'm looking a bit rough round the edges!

Then last week I went to the station to pick up my 19 year old Goddess-daughter, Rachel, who was returning to the local University after the Easter break. Catching sight of the two of us reflected in a window made me realise how old and mumsy I actually look. To be honest most of the time my inner self feels like a 12 year old faking it through the adult world. Sadly the outer reality is increasingly at odds with this! My former size 10 figure has expanded to a 16, my hair has white streaks, my wrinkles are digging in for the long haul and - horrors! - I am beginning to detect saggy skin under my eyes!!! It can only be a matter of time before the jowls develop and it is clearly all down hill from there.

My brother had his 40th birthday in February and my Dad recently celebrated his 70th. Time is moving inexorably on, though it doesn't seem possible to me that any of us can be this old. Am I in denial? The funny thing is that until now ageing has never particularly worried me - when all my friends were moaning about turning 40 (and before that 30) I just wondered what all the fuss was about. I've never been tempted to lie about my age, dye my hair or resort to more serious measures like plastic surgery. I hope I never will, although I have to admit I've been seriously considering henna as an option lately!

I'm 43, making me very likely more than halfway through my life. Is this all just anxiety about mortality? Or mere vanity? I'm not sure. Probably a bit of both.

What I am sure about is that (to quote Bonnie Raitt again) 'Life gets mighty precious/When there's less of it to waste'. Intimations of your own mortality are a great incentive to take stock, concentrate on what's really important and get your act together! As a disorganised procrastinator extraordinaire I should probably start making to do lists and planning straightaway.

Or is this how all the best midlife crises start? Somebody please tell me to get a grip if you catch me talking liposuction, trying to dress like Kate Moss or selling off the ancient Ford Escort for a Harley Davidson.