The 'C' Word, Part 3: Building Bridges

I went to my first Reclaiming WitchCamp (Avalon, held near Glastonbury) in 1998, and loved it so much I went back the following year. The year after that I joined the organising group. It became an important annual event in my calendar: every summer, a week at Avalon WitchCamp, and the people I met at the camp became my spiritual community. In 2006, I nervously became a student teacher at Avalon, and in 2007 I was asked to teach again. Except it didn't happen. For a variety of reasons, Avalon WitchCamp 2007 was cancelled (I'm reasonably sure my shortcomings as a teacher weren't a major contributing factor!). The repercussions of the cancellation  were many and various, including the organising of a Summer Gathering, and also the birth of a new, second British WitchCamp, Dragonrise.

It was a turbulent time for the British Reclaiming Community. I've a written a little about it here, but for the most part - not wanting to stir up additional controversy or add fuel to any smouldering fires - I've skirted around the more difficult areas. But suffice it to say, difficulties at the 2006 camp caused divisions that derailed the 2007 camp. Dragonrise Camp arose in part as an alternative to Avalon Camp for those who were dissatisfied with Avalon or wanted to try a different model. And although both camps behaved well - even helpfully - towards each other (agreeing to hold camps in alternate years so as not to be in direct competition, for example), there remained a certain amount of distance between them. Some people in the community fell very definitely into the 'Avalon' side and others into team 'Dragonrise'. Still others - myself included - maintained links with both communities.

In 2009 I was asked to be a resource teacher at Dragonrise but couldn't accept due to other commitments, and in 2011 I was too late booking a ticket and missed out. In 2012, Avalon (by now re-named Avalon Spring) had to be cancelled due to low bookings, so by this year I was determined to attend Dragonrise for the first time! I booked my ticket early, and was looking forward to attending a WitchCamp as an ordinary camper with no responsibilities except to myself for the first time in a while. And then a couple of months before camp was due I got a phone call...

Changes within the teaching team had created a vacancy. Would I like to fill that vacancy? Of course, I said yes.

******

How does this fit with our theme of Closure? Well, as mentioned above, there was still some healing to be done between the two camps. And I felt I needed some healing on a personal level since the fall-out from the cancellation of Avalon 2007. I'd found the split in the community very distressing, and papering over the cracks and pulling together warring factions to create the Summer Gathering was far more stressful than I could possibly have imagined. And now once again, only a week after the emotional upheavals of the wedding in Essex, I found myself faced with the prospect of re-visiting old 'issues' and the opportunity to finally resolve them.

From the outset, joining the Dragonrise teaching team was reassuring. There's a huge amount of work involved in teaching a WitchCamp, and joining the planning process at such a late stage was to say the least nerve-wracking! However, my fellow teachers (Chelidon, Suus and Fortuna) were very welcoming to this late-comer. From the outset we worked extremely well together and things proceeded very smoothly. By strange co-incidence, Chelidon had been my co-teacher for my first WitchCamp teaching experience at Avalon in 2006. We gathered together for in-person pre-camp planning a few days before camp started at the lovely home of one of the Dragonrise organisers, Raven, who had also been on the teaching team at Avalon 2006.  Before camp even started I felt loose ends left hanging for years were being tied up, old wounds finally being soothed and healed.

The camp itself was a delight. Lovely venue, amazing food (a thousand 'thank you's to the fabulous cooks, Amanda and Raven), wonderful people (some of whom I hadn't seen since the 2007 Summer Gathering or earlier), favourable weather, and the Paths (teaching groups) and evening rituals went really well.

By the time we found ourselves gathered for the closing ritual I was feeling very happy that we had had such a wonderful camp, satisfied with the renewal and strengthening of old connections, and very sad to be saying goodbye to such a lovely group of old and new friends. For me, Dragonrise 2013 was magical: a totally reaffirming and healing experience for which I am very grateful. I certainly intend to book my place at Dragonrise 2015 as soon as I can.

See you there?

******

Anyone would think this was enough closure for one summer, wouldn't they? After the Birthday, the Wedding and the WitchCamp, I myself thought that was it. More than enough to process and work through. But there was more in store. Something I had been trying for some time to push away and not deal with was coming to the fore, demanding my attention whether I wanted to deal with it or not. At Dragonrise I had the chance to build bridges. But on my return there was another bridge waiting, and this one needed burning...

(To be continued!)






  

    

I'm Back!

It has been the longest, hardest winter.

I struggled with a job I hated during the long, dark days, sinking deeper into depression than I realised. My divorce came through and T married his new partner almost immediately, which felt like a final, bitter slap in the face.

As winter dug in for the long haul, the bitterly cold and snowy weather took its toll on everyone at Halfway Up A Hill, including the animals. No fewer than 3 of the chickens died from infections or simple old age, and one was taken by a fox which dug under the fence surrounding the run (luckily we heard the commotion and ran down in time to prevent further casualties). One of the younger chickens also suffered recurrent sour crop, and ended up living on a windowsill in the house for several weeks while we laboriously treated her with antibiotics and hand fed her until she recovered. Meantime, we suffered the frustration and inconvenience of being snowed in for a couple of weeks which seemed to drag on and on.

Later, in February, I succumbed to the nastiest chest infection I've ever experienced; it took me nearly 6 weeks to recover and the antibiotics I was prescribed had no effect whatsoever. IB also caught it and together we nursed each other as best we could, with heroic support from my poor Dad, who was also nursing Mum through it.

The final tragedy in this catalogue of drear and misfortune came when Angel the gander stopped eating and preening, seemingly unable to open his beak more than a couple of millimetres. We took him to the vet, only to find that somehow, he had both broken and dislocated his jaw. It's almost impossible to imagine how this could have happened, our best guess is that in chasing one of the chickens he ran into a fence post or similar obstacle and injured himself that way. Sadly, the damage was inoperable, and with many tears we made the horrible decision to have him put down. Buffy is gradually adjusting to her widowhood, and at some stage we will try to find her another companion.

This longest, hardest winter seemed truly reluctant to loosen its grip, and the unusually cold and dry weather remained for a prolonged period, the normally lush green hillsides strangely brown and deadened by drought and frost.

At times I didn't know how I would get through it. But spring must follow winter eventually, no matter how strongly winter clings on.

And now at last, spring has come. The spring rains turned the fields back to green, and as the sun shines and the birds sing, the leaf buds are breaking and flowers are blooming in hedgerow and garden. I have left my soul-destroying job and am investigating the possibility of starting a small business of my own. IB and I have been cleaning and decorating the house, coaxing the neglected vegetable patch back into productivity, and dreaming and planning for the future.

And today I realised I am happy, truly happy: back to the normal 'me' that I have been struggling to regain for the last 2-3 years, since - well, the exhaustion brought on by the Summer Gathering in August 2007, really. Can it be that long? Looking back I can't believe what a struggle life has been since then. Yet suddenly I feel like I am swimming with the tide instead of constantly battling against it. Somehow I am in alignment with the Universe again.

Perhaps one day I will be able to look back and see the pattern of why I had to spend so long struggling just to keep my head above the maelstrom of hardship being flung my way. One day. For now I am happy to know I am in calmer waters, going with the flow and enjoying the journey once more.

The Return of Happiness

Driving the last bit of the journey home from Witchcamp this year, as the sun shone and my favourite song blasted from the CD player, I suddenly found myself crying. Not tears of sadness, but tears of happiness. Tears of joy. I realised with a bit of a shock that it's been far too long since I've felt this way.

The last couple of years have been such a struggle. Even before T announced he was leaving, back more than a year before that - in fact since the Summer Gathering in 2007, it has felt like some kind of a pall hung over my life.

The Summer Gathering was an amazing and life-affirming experience in many ways, and here on the blog I chose to focus on that aspect. Yet there was another side to it too - a huge amount of very stressful and frankly exhausting organising; and worse than that a lot of emotional fall out from the cancellation of Avalon Witchcamp 2007, creating conflict and drama within the British Reclaiming Community. In trying to see, hear and understand all sides of the conflict, and attempting to calm things down and build bridges between warring factions at the same time as creating and holding together the huge experiment in fundraising that was the Summer Gathering, I allowed myself to become completely drained. I knew it was happening at the time, and fully expected to feel washed out for a month or so afterwards. What I didn't expect was to still feel that way more than six months later. I actually began to wonder if I was suffering from some awful undiagnosed illness - cancer, diabetes, ME? At the same time so many other things were going wrong in my life and the lives of those around me, everything seemed like an uphill battle.

And then of course, just over a year after the 2007 Summer Gathering, T dropped his bombshell and my world shattered. Many people assured me that time is a great healer, and although my head believed it was true, sometimes it was hard to convince my heart.

But it is of course, true. As time passed, more and more sunshine gradually crept in through cracks in the pall of depression. And finally on that drive back home from Avalon Spring any remnants of the pall just evaporated, and light and life poured back into my soul. I cried and cried and smiled and smiled and just whispered, thank you, thank you, thank you to the multiverse. Thank you for my life. Thank you for this beautiful world. Thank you for such wonderful family and the best friends anyone could hope for. Thank you for Witchcamp and freedom and laughter, thank you for sunsets and summer and swallows, thank you for hope and healing and joy. Thank you.

I am once again my old self, the one I have been trying to remember and revive for all these months. That in itself is reason enough for joy. But there is more - my cup truly runneth over! Since returning from Avalon Spring, a new romantic relationship has unexpectedly begun to blossom. I won't say much more just yet as it is still very new, and feels very special.

What I will say is that I can't believe I am this happy. I have done my time under the pall, and as promised I have been healed. Happiness has well and truly returned.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Creating Sweetness

Some years ago, during a trance journey, I saw a vision of how a community in coming together and working together can be like a hive of bees: by harmoniously combining our efforts we can create something sweet and satisfying.

Last weekend I joined with other members of the British Reclaiming community to collaboratively create our sweet and satisfying Summer Gathering for 2008. This year a whole new group of volunteers had taken on the task of organising the event, in a completely new venue. They did a wonderful job, and had obviously given much thought to the planning process. For example, they had researched some of the local beauty spots and sacred sites so that people could explore the wider area if they wanted to. They had set up a 'Magic Tent' on the ritual ground, in case of wet weather (and it was just as well they had, as the weather was less than kind!). And they had a provisional programme of workshops, talks and activities planned, but also encouraged people to add their own offerings to the mix, from one-on-one skill swaps, like tarot readings or massage, to additional activities that everyone could join in.

The Gathering ran from Friday 8th to Tuesday 12th August; I went along on the Saturday and Sunday (luckily for me, the Organisers had picked a venue only a few miles from where I live!). My Mum and my friend Elizabeth came along on both days, and on Sunday another friend, Pinky, joined us too.

We began Saturday morning with a meeting where we each put into a pot those things we were hoping for from the Gathering - people put in a wide variety of 'wants' ranging from the more abstract like 're-connecting with my community', to more specific requests, e.g. 'a discussion about the runes', or 'a shoulder massage'. Then into another pot we put our offerings, which again ranged from abstract ('I will be here to listen if anyone wants to talk'), to specific ('I offer a workshop on Ecstatic Pagan Dance'). From this a very packed and interesting programme took shape, which people were able to choose from or add to when they arrived.

I co-taught two workshops myself, one on each day. On Saturday Suzanne and I co-taught 'Becoming an Ancestor' which is a trance journey into the future, designed to get people thinking about the fact that we are creating the future now - and what our hopes, fears and responsibilities around that may be. And on Sunday Pinky and I co-taught 'How to Plan a Ritual', which generated some very interesting discussions and some helpful sharing of ideas and experience. As well as these two workshops I really enjoyed Sid's fascinating presentation about local sacred sites, had fun creating a labyrinth in the rain with Penny, joined Sylvia's discussion about Transition Towns, was thoroughly entertained during a memorable Bardic Circle under the stars (David's story a great start to proceedings and as witty as ever), learned the Welsh translation of some well-known Pagan chants, picked up some useful tips on how to lead a spiral dance, helped plan the Sunday evening ritual with Tobie, Lynda and Diana, took part in the Sunday evening ritual round the campfire, discovered from Adi how to work out my 'Personality Card' and 'Soul Card' using the tarot, ate a lot of delicious food (the lemon drizzle cake was to die for!), spent a lot of money in the fund-raising auction and won some fabulous raffle prizes. And of course I also spent a great deal of time gossiping over cups of coffee with dear friends and making some lovely new ones.

I found that by the end of the weekend I was very, very tired. But being part of creating the sweetness that we all shared at the Gathering was worth it. So worth it.

Blessed Be.

Shameless Plug: British Reclaiming Summer Gathering 2008

After last year's successful British Reclaiming Summer Gathering, we've decided to have another! And this time it will be held in beautiful West Wales, from 8th to 12th August (you can come for 1, 2, 3 or 4 nights). The collaboratively created programme includes workshops and offerings such as 'How to plan a ritual', 'Becoming an ancestor pathwork', 'Working with dreams', 'Tarot as a spiritual journey', 'The Story of Janet & Tam Lin', 'Bardic Circle', 'Circle Dancing', 'LETS - Local Exchange & Trading', 'Moon Magic', 'Pagan Ecstatic Dance', 'Iron Pentacle Tai Chi', Visits to beauty spots & sacred sites, a Herb Walk (discover folklore, medicinal & magical properties of herbs) and much more.

Further details are available on the British Reclaiming website - click on the link at the bottom of the list of pages on the left of the screen.

Be there - or miss it!

Thanksgiving Soup

Today I have been busy in the kitchen.

For lunch I made squash soup with Thai spices - smooth, creamy and warming, the perfect November comfort food. I used a mixture of homegrown onions and homemade chicken stock, along with garlic and a beautiful squash grown by my friend Gaia, who runs a small organic farm and box scheme on the Gower.

Later I started this year's batch of crabapple wine*, made with crabapples from my friend Pinky's garden, supplemented with windfall apples from ours.

All these collaborative ingredients started me thinking about how we share with each other, how we connect and nourish eachother, and how magical and precious those acts of unconditional mutual caring are.

These thoughts seem timely, in that Americans have just celebrated Thanksgiving weekend, a time when people come together to feast and reconnect. Perhaps there's something of that spirit in the air, even here in Wales!

Later this evening, I finished an article about the Summer Gathering for the British Reclaiming Newsletter. Somehow, that's also ended up being about the way we create something magical when we work together in a spirit of generosity and goodwill, and how that connects us to eachother (complete with cooking metaphors!).

So (spoiler warning to Newsletter subscribers!) I'm copying below what I've written for the Newsletter.

The Power of Community
or What I Did On My Summer Holiday

When it was announced that this summer’s Avalon Witchcamp had to be cancelled due to an unprecedented combination of a lack of on-site Organisers, a shortfall in bookings and difficulties within the Teaching team, I was very upset. A self-confessed Witchcamp addict, this would have been my tenth year at Avalon as either a camper, organiser or student teacher.

Whilst I tried to console myself that I now had the luxury of a free week to do as I pleased, truth be told the prospect of a summer without Witchcamp looked pretty drab.

During this time, a few Witchcampers upset at the prospect of losing the deposits they had paid for their places at camp began a rather heated discussion on BRDL [British Reclaiming Yahoo Discussion List]. Whilst I understood that no one likes to lose money and get nothing in return, I also knew from my time as a Camp Organiser that putting on Witchcamp requires a lot of advance expenditure – and I knew that the Organisers weren’t in a position to refund deposits. As the protests about lost deposits got louder I began to try to think about ways to help out, but all my fundraising ideas were either financially risky (involving more expenditure initially), or would only have generated small amounts of cash.

And then as part of the ongoing discussions on BRDL, someone made a suggestion that, as the venue (Earthspirit) had already been paid for, perhaps an alternative event could be held there instead. I thought this was a good idea and waited eagerly to see if anyone would pick up on it and volunteer to organise something. After a few days no one had said anything more, so I decided to contact Earthspirit myself and see whether they would be amenable to British Reclaiming putting on an event to replace Witchcamp.

Looking back, I think that was the point at which my ‘free week to do as I pleased’ evaporated along with most of the rest of my summer! Earthspirit had been unable to fill the slot with another booking and were therefore only too delighted to agree to host an alternative British Reclaiming event that week. I knew it was absolutely impossible to put on a Reclaiming Witchcamp at such short notice, but having organised a couple of weekend-long British Reclaiming Gatherings, it seemed quite feasible to me that we could stretch that format into a seven day event.

At this point I should probably explain the differences between a Reclaiming Witchcamp and a Gathering for those who may not have attended either.

A Reclaiming Witchcamp is a weeklong residential Intensive. A myth or story forms the structure for the week, and the teaching and arc of evening rituals is planned around this. Witchcamp teachers have also undergone several years of training and work experience before they can call themselves Witchcamp teachers. The planning process takes a year, starting almost immediately after the end of the previous camp.

In contrast, the British Reclaiming Gatherings that we have held over the last few years are a much looser style of event, which encourage participants to teach and priestess the event themselves by offering talks and workshops, and co-creating the rituals. The atmosphere is more casual, and people drop in and out of the event as they prefer. Until this summer, the longest Gathering we had held had been over a weekend.

So my plan was to use the basic ‘Gathering’ model for a week-long event that community members would co-operatively create. I flagged up the suggestion on BRDL where it was greeted with enthusiasm. Several people (Anna, David, Diego, Flame, Halo, Peter, Raven, Richard and Sylvia) volunteered to help with the organisation so we created a separate Yahoo group and started planning. From then on things moved at a rapid - and sometimes terrifying! - pace.

We had to get a list of people willing to offer activities, then organise a draft timetable of those workshops, rituals and other activities; work out how to charge affordable prices whilst covering our costs; look into the whys and wherefores of public transport to get people there; produce fliers and advertise, advertise, advertise; liaise with Earthspirit about special dietary requirements, dorm room:camper ratios, minimum/maximum numbers of guests and dozens of other issues; and field enquiries from people interested in attending. Every day brought a flurry of new queries, problems and solutions and at times I dreaded opening my email inbox because I knew how many messages would be piled up waiting for me.

But the response from everyone was so overwhelmingly positive that somehow, in about six weeks we managed to pull everything together. Anxiety that we may not get enough attendees to be viable was put to rest by a flurry of last-minute bookings - I even took a telephone booking for two people 5 minutes before I was due to leave the house to drive down to Earthspirit!

The rather experimental format sometimes threw up unexpected plus points as well as challenges. For example, unlike Witchcamp where people are together for the whole week, the format of the Gathering allowed people to come for as short a period as a day, or as long as a week. The advantage of this was that many people who are unable to come to a week-long event due to finances, work or family commitments were able to attend. On the downside of this, the Gathering seemed to lack the degree of intimacy that Witchcamps usually enjoy; people also had a tendency to congregate in already established social groups, rather than mix freely. It made me realise just how much mutual trust and understanding is fostered by the Witchcamp ‘intensive’ model, and also how useful Affinity Groups are in contributing to mixing people up and making them feel at ease with each other. Perhaps future Gatherings could bear these points in mind and work on strategies to overcome them. Or perhaps it’s OK for people at Gatherings to connect on a more casual level. Although we didn’t do so this year, at future Gatherings it might be helpful to give people feedback forms when they leave to see what their verdict is.

Earthspirit were unbelievably helpful and cheerful no matter what our weird requests were ("We forgot to tell you, but we need a bonfire in 20 minutes!" "Can we borrow a wooden spoon and a ladle?" "Do you have lots of old newspapers and a big roll of sellotape?").

And of course the members of the British Reclaiming Community were amazing: those from near and far who helped assemble all the ingredients, and those who came along and stirred and seasoned and baked the amazing concoction that the Gathering turned out to be.

Admittedly some things were a bit rough around the edges, and there are some things I would do differently if I was to organise another – although at this stage I’m more than happy to hand the reins over to someone else!

In the end the Gathering was a success. For me, it was a rollercoaster week of anxiety, exhilaration, joy, stress, hope, and a thousand other emotions. I shed tears of both exhaustion and joy, laughed until my face hurt, danced until I was breathless, and had my faith in the strength and power of community restored. I reconnected with loved ones, deepened existing friendships, gained new ones, and - I hope - made progress in repairing damaged relationships.

More importantly, we managed to cover our costs, making enough to repay Avalon Witchcamp the deposit they had paid on the venue - meaning all Witchcampers had their full deposits returned. When all the fundraising (raffle etc) was added in, we actually had a little left over, so there is seed-money for a similar event next summer.

And most important of all, I think this was a great piece of magic, which helped to strengthen and repair our community. There has often been discussion about whether we are a community or merely a network, given that we are so geographically scattered and can only meet up infrequently. I think the way everyone rallied round to support this event and so generously gave of their time, money and energy proves that we are, after all, a community.

* Yes, I know, a bit late. We harvested the crabapples a while back, but I was so busy with other stuff, I knew I wasn't going to get a chance to deal with them. So they've been in the freezer since then. I'm not sure how the wine will turn out as a result - I'll let you know!

Self Help

Last week T and I were in Edinburgh. It's a beautiful city (I'll probably post some of my many photos soon) and it was nice to have a bit of a break together - we haven't managed a holiday together this year and I think we're both feeling a bit worn down.

It was brought home to me just how worn down I am on a visit to the Scottish Museum. Normally I love museums, and usually have to be dragged out at closing time. On this day, however, I began to feel quite uncomfortable there after only an hour or so. The discomfort quite rapidly grew into full-blown claustrophobia, and in the end I left, telling myself I would go and get lunch somewhere and return afterwards.

Once settled in a small cafe however, I realised that I didn't want to go back to the Museum. I didn't want to leave that warm and sunny cocoon of a cafe. So I stayed. I ate my sandwich, drank my latte (and then another - and then another), and wrote in my journal. And as I wrote, I realised what the problem was. I am exhausted, and I've been ignoring the exhaustion, not listening to the needs of either my body or soul. I didn't need a day filled with absorbing culture and taking in facts, figures, dates. I needed to sit and doodle with my coloured pens, watch the leaves fall one by one from the plane trees in the square, sip milky coffee. And listen, really listen, to what my body was telling me.

Last year, I underwent my Reclaiming-Feri initiation and also student taught at Avalon Witchcamp for the first time, both huge, intense events for me. This year, I pulled together the British Reclaiming Summer Gathering in about 6 weeks, a feat I still can't believe I managed, and probably one of the most stressful experiences of my life. All the while I have been carrying on as normal, being my usual smiley self and brightly saying, 'Yes, I'm fine!' if anyone has asked.
Now I have to admit: no, actually I'm not fine.

This is hard for me. I'm not good at admitting I can't cope, I'm not good at asking for help. I'm good at soldiering on, putting on a happy face and denying my needs.

That night - the night after the abortive Museum visit - I dreamed I was trying to help a woman who had been knocked down in a hit and run accident. She was almost submerged in mud and I was unsure whether she was in more danger of suffocating from the mud or being further injured if I tried to move her. In the end I went for help.

Now, in waking life, I am also going for help. I'm accepting offers of all kinds of help from friends and family ('Yes, I'd love you to cook dinner!', 'Yes a back-rub would be great!', 'Oh thank you for feeding the chickens for me!'). And I'm helping myself. Listening to what my body wants and providing it - naps, nourishing food, gentle walks, time amongst the trees - and meditating, journalling.

I have come down with a heavy cold, but at the same time I feel better than I have in months. I am helping myself out of the mud and finding that my injuries aren't life threatening after all. Not if I acknowledge they're there and deal with them.

Simply Divine!

I have read tarot cards for many years now. My first deck, bought impulsively as I was just stepping onto the Pagan path (about 20 years ago now), was the Tarot of the Witches. It sounded impressively mysterious and magical, and I couldn't wait to start working with it. Unfortunately, I hated it from the minute I got the cards out of the box. I hated the artwork for a start, and then found they were hard for a beginner to learn as the Minor Arcana cards were just 'pip' cards rather than the type which have pictorial representations of the meanings (so much easier to learn!). The final straw came when I discovered the deck had been designed for use in a James Bond film - I loathe James Bond films! I quickly gave them away. Good lesson in buying any magical tool: shop around and check how it 'feels' before taking the plunge.

Luckily, I had a friend who read tarot cards so I was aware that there were pictorial decks out there. Next time around I was more picky, and looked at lots and lots of decks before I chose again. This time it was the 'Morgan Greer', based on the classic 'Rider Waite' (which I believe was the original pictorial tarot). The 'Morgan Greer' is clear, and I find it easy to use. It gives me great readings for others, though I've never been able to read well for myself.

I've also had other decks over the years, the 'Rider Waite Tarot', 'The Tarot of the Old Path', Kris Waldherr's 'Goddess Tarot', and non-tarot decks like 'The Druid Animal Oracle' and 'The Green Man Tree Oracle', to name a few (yes, I'm a bit of a card junkie!). Some of them I still have, and some I've passed on to new homes.

This last week at the Summer Gathering I attended two tarot workshops and had my tarot read by the wonderfully talented Diego. I think it's true to say I'm feeling more enthused than ever by tarot right now, and there's another reason too.

These are my new tarot cards. It's a deck called 'Songs for the Journey Home' that T bought for my birthday in July. And I am just in love with them! (if you click on the photo you should get a bigger image to study)

I love the artwork for a start. The arrangement I've laid out here is a selection of my favourite images from the deck. I actually had a hard time choosing! I find the artwork deceptively naive in style. The images look fairly simple, but the more I study them, the more I see. I also like that they're round - having never been a fan of reverse meanings for cards (too complicated!), it's great to have some that can't really be reversed.


The deck seems to be pretty earth-centred too, which of course appeals to me! And the little booklet that comes with the cards, whilst not shying away from the fact that Shit Happens, does somehow manage to mostly find a constructive message within the Shit. As a glass-half-full kinda gal, this echoes my preferred world-view.
And these cards seem to really know what is going on with me - leading up to the Summer Gathering I often pulled a card, asking 'What do I need to know about this situation?'. Though I shuffled the cards well each time, still I pulled the same card over and over - the 'Sixth Wind Song'. Look at the photo - it really expresses how I felt! Yet notice that as well as the clear image of feeling distinctly pressured, it also has a flock of birds flying freely above. The booklet says, '[this card] depicts the experience of being under a tremendous amount of pressure. If you are able to focus on trust, rather than on fear, you will rise above the turmoil of the mind. This is a time to rise above the gentle winds of change.' How on the nail is that?! Even more amazingly, since returning home I haven't pulled the card once, and actually had to look quite hard for it in order to take a photo.

Having never been able to read the cards accurately for myself before, I am very happy with the way these seem to work with me. I used to think there was something wanting in my card-reading skills, perhaps a lack of objectivity that stopped me being able to read my own cards. Now I think perhaps I just hadn't met the right deck yet!

It's still early days in our relationship, but I feel like these cards and I are currently having a great conversation, getting to know each other. I think we will be good friends.

Home Again

Back home again after the Summer Gathering, I'm still getting my breath back.


It has been a rollercoaster week of anxiety, exhilaration, joy, stress, hope, and a thousand other emotions. I have shed tears of both exhaustion and joy. I have also laughed until my face hurt, danced until I was breathless, and had my faith in the strength and power of community restored. I have reconnected with loved ones, deepened existing friendships, gained new ones, and - I hope - made progress in repairing damaged relationships.


It was a small group of us who gathered the first night and joined together in Sylvia's excellent opening ritual. That night under the stars we stirred our wishes and hopes for the week into an imaginary cauldron at the centre of our circle. During the rest of the week, at some point during most of the rituals we gave people an opportunity to stir the cauldron, adding to it if they wished. It was a rich brew that we created together, maturing over the week into a hopeful vision for the future of the community, guided by the Gathering's intention: 'To Nuture Our Community'.



As the weekend drew nearer, our numbers swelled, reaching a peak on Saturday and Sunday, then slowly waning again. This gave a different kind of energy to the week than that we normally get at Witchcamp; it had a more ragged, less intense quality that at times added a kind of chaotic dynamism to proceedings.


Everyone chipped in at the level they felt comfortable with: for some this meant dipping in and out, interspersed with trips into Glastonbury, for others it meant offering talks, workshops and discussion groups, or taking an active role in planning and priestessing the rituals. And what a diverse and abundant assortment of activities we ended up with - workshops on a multitude of subjects, including Energy Raising, Tarot, Mermaid Lore, Reclaiming-Feri practices, Ecstatic Dance, and a Buffy Path; and rituals including a Healing Ritual, a Climate Change Ritual, and a tripartite ritual held over three nights based around bringing the best of the community's past into the present and then visioning how we should carry this heritage into the future. We also managed a Bardic Circle; fascinating discussions on the whys and wherefores of naming ourselves 'witch', and our regular spiritual practices; an audience with Henry VIIIth; a concert by Caitlin & Sika; a Herb Walk; time in the hot tub and much, much more. Come to think of it, no wonder I'm tired!


Overall, people seemed to have had a wonderful time. We managed to cover our costs, infact making enough to be able to repay Avalon Witchcamp the deposit they had paid on the venue - meaning all Witchcampers will now have their full deposits returned. When all the fundraising was added in, we actually had a little left over, so there is seed-money for those who've expressed interest in staging a similar event next summer.


So after all the anxiety, I think the week can be counted a success. My own energies will now be focussed on Avalon Spring, the 5-day intensive planned for next April. But I'm proud of the Gathering that we created at pretty short notice and I'm hopeful that any future events can build on this foundation. I am so grateful to everyone who made the Summer Gathering so creative, fruitful and enjoyable, and I wish every success to those who choose to work on similar events in the future. Blessed be one and all!

Que Sera Sera

Well, the anxiety and anticipation of the last few weeks is finally over. Tomorrow I leave for the Summer Gathering in Somerset. No more worrying and fretting about numbers attending or finances. Or at least, no point in worrying about them any more. I have now accepted that at this stage, there's no more I can do - the event will be what it will be.

I'm feeling a strange mixture of resignation and mild hysteria! The weight of responsibility is still palpable, but at least I feel I can do no more right now.

I'm now focussing on looking forward to a week in one of my favourite places with some of my favourite people. And also meeting lots of new faces! I'm just hoping everyone has a fun time and the weather is kind. It's not too much to hope for is it?

By this time next week I will know if it was worth all the nailbiting.

Wish us luck!

P.S. I look forward to catching up with all my friends in blog land when I get back. Sorry I've been neglecting you all but it's been pretty intense.

Stormy Weather

My friend Reya, whose unconventional viewpoints on life never fail to inspire intriguing new perspectives, talks sometimes about being predicted by the weather. I think I'm starting to know what she means.

Over the last few weeks we've had extremely unsettled weather - rain, wind, storms, even hail. June wasn't so much flaming as rain-lashed, and so far July has been pretty much following suit.

At the same time, the fall-out from the cancellation of Avalon Witchcamp, and the at times seemingly overwhelming task of staging a Summer Gathering instead has left me feeling buffetted and depressed.

I noticed on several occasions recently a weird phenomenon in which the horizon in all directions appeared quite bright, while the sky over us was black and heavy. This seemed to coincide with me feeling weighed down by too many commitments and not enough hours in the day. Was a literal black cloud following me around? I don't really believe that, but it does seem a bit strange.

The weather is still pretty unsettled, but the downpours seem less overwhelming, as does my workload. The sun is peeking out occasionally, the rain no longer a permanent fixture. And at the same time, my shoulders have un-knotted, my headache lifted, my sense of humour has returned.

Am I really being predicted by the weather? If so, I'm hoping for more rainbows, some lazy summer sun and perhaps the odd gentle shower just to keep things interesting. Enough with the stormy stuff for now.

P.S. Reya - recognise the star?

Returning to Balance

Happy Summer Solstice!

It has been a strange week. T had taken time off work to finish painting the house, a job he started last summer but didn't get completed before the autumn weather closed in. Unfortunately he chose the wrong week. It has rained, rained and then rained again. He erected the scaffolding for the job last weekend, and yesterday he finally admitted defeat and took it down, unused. Of course, today the sun finally came out.

Yesterday was the summer solstice, the longest day of the year, when the sun is at its peak (for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere that is). From now on, the days will gradually shorten, imperceptibly at first. Although it's hard to grasp right now, with summer really getting into her stride, we are re-entering the dark half of the year. For the sun, it's all down hill from here.

It has made me think about balance and imbalance. For the last week or so I feel like I've been way out of balance - at full stretch, trying to juggle so many projects and tasks that at times I've felt completely overwhelmed. Each day has been completely filled with activity, carrying on until bedtime and resuming early the next morning. It's been the same for T; although he hasn't been able to get on with painting the house as he planned, he still has a huge mountain of other tasks to work on - getting our wind generator up and running, chopping & stacking the wood from the trees felled by winter gales, and remodelling our kitchen just to name a few. As a result, the week of him being at home that we were both looking forward to has ended up with us hardly seeing each other. And I know that when we have been together, I've mostly been stressed and tetchy.

Yesterday I hosted a Summer Solstice Ritual for members of my local Pagan Moot. It was something I'd committed to before things got so crazy, and I didn't want to cancel - although it was tempting at times. I've been wanting to build Pagan community here, celebrate the Wheel of the Year with others, make connections. Of course, like all the best-laid plans it didn't quite work out as I'd expected: for one thing the awful weather meant my lovingly conceived outdoor ritual had to be scrapped and another put together at pretty short notice. Being forced to celebrate indoors also meant that far from enjoying the beauty and serenity of the June garden my guests had to negotiate the building site that currently passes for my kitchen. No matter. The living room was beautifully decorated with vases of flowers, draped saris, representations of the elements and deities, and candles and incense. The ritual went smoothly and a good time was had by all. We may even do it again!

Late to bed, I had an amazing dream, in which a beautiful pure white swallow nestled trustingly in my hands. I was filled with the most amazing feeling of serenity and calm, just knowing that everything would be alright.

I awoke this morning feeling calm. Although I still have a mountain of things to do, and I probably should be worrying myself into a lather about the Summer Gathering, the new bees, the slugs and rabbits in the vegetable patch and the state of the kitchen, somehow I can't. T and I have worked hard today, but for the first time all week we have also made time for ourselves and each other. We picked summer berries in the sun together, ate lunch together, had proper conversations, and smiled and laughed together.

I am lucky to have such a wonderful husband, who has taken time to help me with my workload even while struggling with his own, has held my hand and calmed me when I've got overwhelmed and tearful, listened to my woes, and last night endured a houseful of strangers celebrating a festival he doesn't really 'get' - all because he knows it's important to me. I'm so lucky to have him keeping me balanced even when everything else seems way off-kilter. I hope I do the same for him.

Busy Bees

Oh. My. God. To say the least.

I am beyond exhausted.

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you'll know about my disappointment at the cancellation of Avalon Witchcamp. In the aftermath, a suggestion was made that an alternative event be put on in its place. Somehow - I guess I'm just a gal who can't say no - I have found myself in the thick of organising a Reclaiming Summer Gathering for disappointed Witchcampers and other interested parties. It has been exhausting just because there is so much to do before the Gathering manifests in early August. Plus there are complicated financial manoeuvres to ensure Avalon gets paid back its deposit on the venue so that disappointed Witchcampers can get reimbursed their deposits so they can pay to come to the Gathering. I think. My head is spinning just thinking about it. And of course we are trying to decide what workshops and activities to provide, what supplies we may need to cost in and how to get word out in time to ensure a good attendance.


On top of that I'm working on a fundraising project to help Avalon out with the balance of the debts they've incurred in planning camp for this year. I've been pasting together a 'Best Of' the British Reclaiming Newsletter (of which I'm editor) to sell to raise funds. It's been fiddly and time consuming, but I'm quite pleased with the results so far, and I already have three advance orders, even though it's not quite ready yet.


And for some reason I can't quite remember in the midst of all this - although I do know that it seemed a grand idea at the time - I've invited the members of the local Pagan Moot along to a Summer Solstice ritual and feast next Thursday evening, for which I have so far had absolutely no time to prepare.


Plus in the mundane world of Jobs That Must Be Done I'm in the middle of painting our kitchen, and trying to stay on top of a garden that - now we've had some rain - thinks it's some kind of temperate jungle.


And the phone hasn't stopped ringing all day (I think everyone who knows us has rung at least once).


By this evening I was really, really tired - and more than happy to sit down in front of the TV to watch Dr Who and consume veg & cashew nut stir fry and a bottle or two of lager. Ah!


Ah! That is, until I strolled down the hill to give the chickens their evening corn - and discovered bees swarming in one of the trees in the orchard. Then it was more like, 'Aaaaaaaggghhhh!!!!!'.


There were two possibilities - either they were our own bees, about to fly off and forsake us for pastures new, or they were a new swarm looking for a home. With a decent swarm of bees at the local auction fetching on average £130 this spring, either way we didn't want to lose them. Knowing that a swarm can take off and fly away at any moment, I dashed breathlessly back up the hill to alert T. We struggled into our protective gear and grabbed a spare hive and a box to shake the swarm into. Have you ever tried to run full pelt down a Welsh hillside in a beekeeping suit and veil whilst carrying a hive? I really don't recommend it. Especially after a large plate of stir fry and a couple of lagers.


It says in all the books that swarming bees are docile and don't sting (wrong!). It says that all you have to do is give the branch a firm shake and the whole mass will fall gently into the box from whence they can be transferred to their new home (wrong!). It makes it sound like a piece of cake. It isn't. These bees have obviously been reading different books.


But, at last they were (most of them) in their new hive. Tomorrow we will be able to have a proper check and establish if we've merely relocated our existing bees or if we're lucky enough, captured a new swarm. Right now I actually don't care much. At least I should sleep well!