Sunday, 5 June 2011

Falling In Love Again

A favourite cushion with an old vintage mirror that belonged to my Nanna

How quickly time passes. Only three years ago, I was still married - and oblivious to any hint of trouble. Now I have been divorced for over a year and a half, and my life is so different.

I am still at Halfway Up A Hill though, which when T first left, I never expected. I thought we would have to sell up and split the proceeds. Then, when we agreed that I could keep the house as part of the divorce settlement, I fully expected to sell up and move on anyway. Too many memories here.

Funny how things turn out, isn't it? With the collapse of the housing market, I resigned myself to staying put and just redecorating and smartening the place up for a couple of years until the economy picked up and I could sell. But over the past couple of years, I have started to see this familiar house with new eyes. By slowly, but surely putting my own mark on things, I have begun to fall in love with the place again. The painful memories are gradually being erased with each fresh coat of paint.

A handpainted dresser top that was picked up for a few pounds at a car boot sale. Along with some of my china and knick-knacks! Most of the china was passed down by my grandparents.

T's taste was fairly conventional and minimalist. Mine is more hippy-witchy-shabbychic-vintage-bohemian; definitely not minimalist. Now I am free to indulge those preferences without restraint! The interior - and exterior - of the house is beginning to reflect my tastes and personality as it never did before.

The lawn - once so carefully tended by T each weekend - has been declared a wildflower meadow. I prefer the look of all those flowers, and life is too short to spend it mowing! The overgrown flowerbed by the kitchen door has been tidied and planted up with roses, hardy geraniums and fuschia, and is now thronging with happy, busy bees. Pots of flourishing geraniums and herbs surround the back door with colour and fragrance. Suncatchers and windchimes dangle from every window, paintings and vases and lanterns and plants, new cushions and throws decorate the rooms. I have fun creating seasonal altars around the house and garden.

I LOVE my pantry door, which was made to measure by my very talented friend, Harry.

IB loves this house, and I am starting to love it once again. This weekend we have put up some wall cupboards that I have painted with a distressed finish in my favourite colours. In the dining room hearth, a 'new' (secondhand!) woodburning stove is waiting to be installed in readiness for next winter. I am planning to add a porch to the back door, and a forest garden down the hill...

The new woodburning stove, waiting to be 'plumbed in'.
I thought there were too many memories here for me to stay. But would they really have dispersed just by moving location? The memories are a part of me, a part of my story. The trick, I am beginning to learn, is to hold on to the best of the past, and let go of the grief and the anger. And in the meantime, go on, creating new memories as you fall in love with life once again.

Says it all.



raewytch said...

Your post was really evocative and just the way ive been feeling lately too - my recent blog entry is very similar insome ways to this. Ive also been changing my home to reflect the real me and it feels like an old comfortable coat now. I love the pictures of what youve done - would be lovely to see some of your meadow too! :-)

Crystalrainbow said...

your home is looking wonderful my kinda tase too, i love it :) things change and time moves on i'm glad your starting to fall back in love with your home after all home is where the heart is x x x

kerrdelune said...

I am so glad you are still there on your beautiful Welsh hillside - I love coming here and seeing it through your eyes.

Harlequin said...

Wow...what a great post. I love the interplay of how your home reflects your changing, healing, dynamic heart and how your heart finds greater joy in your more authentic home.

I also like the symbolism of T keeping your lawn sterile and neat and orderly, whereas with your new life with IB, your flowering meadow matches your own flowering heart and blossoming love together.

Wow...this is real magic, yes?

Breezy said...

I'm so pleased that things are coming right for you not to imply that things have just fallen into place you are clearly working at it. Reading about the lessons you are learning on your way always makes me reflect even when I am not ready to learn them yet. Thank you

miss*R said...

sounds to me [as much as the heartache was dreadful, I know].. that you & your home are better off without T !!!!
the wildflower meadow sounds so much more peaceful and serene than a carefully tended lawn.
the whole home & your life now, sounds just perfect xoxo
I am trying to learn to be settled in my new home.. it is just taking a little time

Silver Fox said...

How beautiful empowering celebratory enriching and heart warming to read. Wonderful!

Donald Engstrom-Reese said...

My Dearest Susan, your illustrated love letter touched me to the depths of my heart. Yes, I suspect that falling in love again and again with our homes and gardens is core to a Hedge Witch's work. Creating beauty and surrounding ourselves and all who interact with us feeds the whole of the Good Green Earth. Your life is an inspiration to me. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad you were able to keep your beautiful house and turn it into a true home with all the comforts of your soul.

Livia Indica said...

Glad to hear you've regained your love for your home.