Monday, 12 April 2010

I'm Back!

It has been the longest, hardest winter.

I struggled with a job I hated during the long, dark days, sinking deeper into depression than I realised. My divorce came through and T married his new partner almost immediately, which felt like a final, bitter slap in the face.

As winter dug in for the long haul, the bitterly cold and snowy weather took its toll on everyone at Halfway Up A Hill, including the animals. No fewer than 3 of the chickens died from infections or simple old age, and one was taken by a fox which dug under the fence surrounding the run (luckily we heard the commotion and ran down in time to prevent further casualties). One of the younger chickens also suffered recurrent sour crop, and ended up living on a windowsill in the house for several weeks while we laboriously treated her with antibiotics and hand fed her until she recovered. Meantime, we suffered the frustration and inconvenience of being snowed in for a couple of weeks which seemed to drag on and on.

Later, in February, I succumbed to the nastiest chest infection I've ever experienced; it took me nearly 6 weeks to recover and the antibiotics I was prescribed had no effect whatsoever. IB also caught it and together we nursed each other as best we could, with heroic support from my poor Dad, who was also nursing Mum through it.

The final tragedy in this catalogue of drear and misfortune came when Angel the gander stopped eating and preening, seemingly unable to open his beak more than a couple of millimetres. We took him to the vet, only to find that somehow, he had both broken and dislocated his jaw. It's almost impossible to imagine how this could have happened, our best guess is that in chasing one of the chickens he ran into a fence post or similar obstacle and injured himself that way. Sadly, the damage was inoperable, and with many tears we made the horrible decision to have him put down. Buffy is gradually adjusting to her widowhood, and at some stage we will try to find her another companion.

This longest, hardest winter seemed truly reluctant to loosen its grip, and the unusually cold and dry weather remained for a prolonged period, the normally lush green hillsides strangely brown and deadened by drought and frost.

At times I didn't know how I would get through it. But spring must follow winter eventually, no matter how strongly winter clings on.

And now at last, spring has come. The spring rains turned the fields back to green, and as the sun shines and the birds sing, the leaf buds are breaking and flowers are blooming in hedgerow and garden. I have left my soul-destroying job and am investigating the possibility of starting a small business of my own. IB and I have been cleaning and decorating the house, coaxing the neglected vegetable patch back into productivity, and dreaming and planning for the future.

And today I realised I am happy, truly happy: back to the normal 'me' that I have been struggling to regain for the last 2-3 years, since - well, the exhaustion brought on by the Summer Gathering in August 2007, really. Can it be that long? Looking back I can't believe what a struggle life has been since then. Yet suddenly I feel like I am swimming with the tide instead of constantly battling against it. Somehow I am in alignment with the Universe again.
Perhaps one day I will be able to look back and see the pattern of why I had to spend so long struggling just to keep my head above the maelstrom of hardship being flung my way. One day. For now I am happy to know I am in calmer waters, going with the flow and enjoying the journey once more.


mxtodis123 said...

Oh my, you have been through so much, but I am so glad for your return. Hopefully, each day will be brighter from now on.

Anonymous said...

Dear Moonroot, have you looked at the progressions and transits to your astrological chart to see what might have been happening? At a guess, you are describing a Saturn transit, and Saturn is strong in your chart.

Try Googling Robert Hand - he offers a free transit report on an astrological site I believe to be Astrodienst (I have a memory like a steel trap, so long as that trap is defined as "sieve on one side"). If you have questions I'll be happy to answer them - no charge, as I volunteered this!

Bright blessings on your journey toward finding out what it was all about.

the wild magnolia said...

Welcome Back!

Wishing you a glorious Spring and may it all be uphill from there.

Silver Fox said...

Wonderful Spring Cleaning so connecting with you preparing the earth for new growth ~ so vibrant and green :o)

Anonymous said...

It's so precious, this feeling of light and joy coming back after a seemingly endless long dark night of the soul, when you can look over your shoulder and see the troubles finally passing away behind you. Welcome back, and every blessing upon the new shoots coming up in your life. xx

Griffin said...

Moonroot, the site Vienne is talking about is

I am so glad for you having been forged in a hard fire to now be bright and sunny again. For all the past three years have been a nuisance, I hope you have a long, long period of happiness from now on. At least seventy years... that should cover it!

Sara said...

So many people I know have had such a rotten Winter! I do hope that as Spring warms you good things will return in abundance to your life.xx

miss*R said...

Hi Moonroot.. I am also catching up on blogs.. sorry to hear that you have been through such an awful, awful time.. you will look back oneday and see why it all happened. sending much love from the other side of the world xoxo

I had a winter like yours except it was summertime here.. but all is fantastic and sorted now!