Monday, 17 November 2008

A Little Loosening of the Pincers

As The Griffin pointed out in a comment on an earlier post of mine, we Cancerians tend to keep a pretty tenacious pincer-grip on things. In that post I was musing about uncharacteristically just letting go and going with the flow, being open to change and possibility. Then again, although I may have Sun, Venus and Mercury in Cancer (and Scorpio rising), they are offset to a certain extent by my Aries moon, so it is possible for me to be impulsive at times - at least in theory!

Maybe that's the reason, or maybe this is, or maybe it's all just part of my current process; whatever the reason, I am beginning to feel OK about letting go of the past, and perhaps more importantly also the future that I had imagined lay in store for me. I am realising it's OK not to necessarily know what's in store. In particular, Donald and Deborah's comments on the same earlier post made me see this time of uncertainty as a chance to reset my course, and to realise I am not a helpless victim of external forces. I have important choices to make, but I have the luxury of time to make them in - and if at the end of the day I find I don't like the road I'm on, then I'll choose another.

Perhaps the black pit of depression I fell into recently was the last stand of control-freak-Cancerian Moonroot refusing to let go. I'm not sure. Maybe in time I will have a clearer overview of my emotional journey during this period - for now it's enough to just ride the storm without drowning.

For the time being, I'm pretty sure that another reason for my new perspective is due to having spent the last few days helping my brother (who has also been going through some big life changes), move into his new home. I feel like he is where I hope to be in the not-too-distant future, making a new start in new surroundings. His new home is beautiful, and I felt an itch of excitement and envy at the prospect of making such a fresh start. I also felt the mixture of relief and poignancy as he shut and locked the door to his old home behind him for the last time.

T house-sat while I was away, and coming back I was a bit apprehensive. Every time I see him, when we part I experience loss and grief all over again. Having been so depressed only too recently I wasn't keen to find myself there again. Yet when T left, I felt only the mildest twinge of regret. He was here, and he's gone - and I'm OK. That is huge progress. It seems I am adjusting to and coping with my new circumstances after all.
Pincers hold tight and securely, but wielding them is also about knowing when to open and flex to allow for adjustment and change. I'm loosening mine so that I can get a better hold on my new life. It's good to find that after holding on tight for so long, they can still be flexible after all.


aims said...

Isn't it amazing that life continues and we do also when in the face of grief and loss.

I hope you choose the brighter path - the happier path - the perfect house filled with corners of laughter.

I hope you eventually see how your loss might just be your eternal gain and get joy from living once more.

The Dragon said...

It sounds as though the healing has started Moonroot, I hope everything goes reasonably smoothly from now on in for you.

Blessed Be

Griffin said...

"Pincers hold tight and securely, but wielding them is also about knowing when to open and flex to allow for adjustment and change."

That's the way. As a Scorpio, I suspect we have the same problem. I hate change being imposed, but I am terrible at doing it myself. I've learned to let go, but it is still as scary as it is exciting.

Lots and lots of luck to you in taking your next step - wherever it leads. ...and you still have Bear!

Thursday said...

You're doing well, really well.

Reya Mellicker said...

Of course you're grieving! Who wouldn't be? Glad the latest wave has passed over you.

Onwards & upwards!

Dia said...

Movement, I feel it in your words! I wish you well as you traverse the spiral - easier & easier as time passes!


This Guy said...

Your soul is starting to heal. Things will be okay. The universe has a plan for us all - damned if we know what it is but things will be okay. Just remember that a door is never closed without a window being opened. Greive in your own time. There is no limit or time frame to your greiving. You've lost something - its just normal to greive... If it wasn't we'd be able to turn it off like a light switch...

You are an amazing woman. Strong, so so strong! Keep looking into your heart for your inspiration :)

Bret xoxo

aromatic said...

Thinking of you... Time is a great healer and as time goes by so your grief will lesson. As will the pincers loosen....

I have tagged you as its a nice tag to do... its the Tree of Happiness award. But if you don't want to do it then don't worry.
Thinking of you..
Love and Blessings,
Jane xxx