Hysterical/Historical

This is a little off topic - but I hope you'll forgive me! It's a video written, directed by and starring my multi-talented brother who works full-time as a Henry VIII re-enactor, mostly teaching Tudor history to schoolchildren.

I think the video is hilarious - hope you like it too.

The 'C' Word, Part 1: Back Story and Birthday

Well that got your attention didn't it?

Actually the 'C' word we're looking at here is closure. Or rather Closure. This summer Closure has been writ large in my life, so much so that I wonder if there's some huge astrological maelstrom going on in my birthchart, or perhaps my guardian angels have been putting in overtime. Lots of it.

Most of the time life proceeds in a normal, haphazard fashion - a bit of this, a little of that, a few highs, a few lows. But once in a while, it is as if a hidden riptide suddenly grabs us and carries us in a certain direction. There is no choice but to go with the current, attempt to keep your head above water - if only to get a clear enough view to try and get your bearings - and wonder what the hell is going on? That has been my summer this year. So many turning points, realisations and loose ends getting tied up. One after another, bam, bam, bam, with barely enough time to breathe before the next wave breaks over my head. It hasn't been bad, in fact much of it has been pretty good. But such a strong sweeping along in the grip of - what? Fate? Karma? - can't help but stir up a whole lot of stuff from the depths of the Unconscious, so there have been moments when I've felt overwhelmed. But whew... what a ride.

So where to begin telling this tale? Perhaps some backstory is needed. If you've read this blog for any length of time you will know that I was blindsided by the end of my marriage five years ago (yes, five years! I can't believe it's been that long. If you want to catch up on the gory details, you could look back at posts labelled 'T' or 'divorce'). And the year before that, the cancellation of Avalon Witchcamp and the fallout amongst my spiritual community followed by the stress of organising a Summer Gathering as a replacement event was a source of great stress at the time and on-going repercussions subsequently (gory details for this labelled 'Avalon Spring/Witchcamp' and 'Summer Gathering'). And so in recent years this blog has been as much about putting my life back together and struggling my way through a period of readjustment and starting over as Paganism, Permaculture and Poultrykeeping!

Anyway, when I last posted I had just torn a ligament in my shoulder. It was a huge pain literally and metaphorically, as not only did I have to take time off work I could ill-afford, but also we were in the middle of decorating the spare bedroom and ripping out and re-fitting the bathroom. Being incapacitated was made even more annoying by the fact we had a deadline to meet - the bedroom and bathroom needed to be finished and the house and garden given a serious clean, tidy and facelift by mid-July as I was about to have my 50th birthday and had planned a big party. Injuring my shoulder couldn't have come at a worse time!

In the end, the spare bedroom was finished and the bathroom all but completed in time for the party. We managed to get the rest of the house looking as good as possible, but something had to give and the garden had to be left somewhat wild and unkempt. Personally I quite like an overgrown garden, but I had rather hoped to give it a bit of a spruce up before the big day! Even without getting the garden sorted, we'd still worked flat out for six weeks excepting the week my shoulder was completely unusable. So by the end of the week leading up to the party I was pretty exhausted.

My birthday fell on a Saturday, and Mum and Dad had invited IB and I, plus IB's Mum, Sheila (visiting for the party) over for dinner the night before. I knew my brother, sister and brother-in-law would all be there too and was looking forward to seeing my family and not having to cook! Unfortunately, Sheila's bus was quite badly delayed and we were an hour and a half late in the end.

When we finally got there, we were greeted with hugs and kisses from my family, drinks were pressed into our hands and we were ushered into the garden where I was delighted and surprised to see my cousin George, his wife Alex, my aunt Anne... and then suddenly a laughing, exuberant crowd of familiar faces erupted from around the side of the house. A surprise birthday party for me - and I was late!

Some of my birthday cards

It was a wonderful evening! I was amazed that everyone had gone to so much trouble to surprise me and it was so good to spend time with friends and family I rarely get to see. I was spoiled rotten with hugs, gifts, champagne and an amazing spread of food including a beautiful cake made and decorated by an old schoolfriend.

Birthday cake number 1 by Viv

The official party the next day was an all-day casual 'open house' from midday onwards so that people could drop in when it suited them and stay as long as they liked. It was a beautiful sunny day, absolutely scorching in fact - so most of the guests opted to sit out in the garden, wilderness though it was. Throughout the day friends, neighbours and family arrived with delicious contributions towards the pot-luck style buffet, and I was also given many wonderful gifts, despite having told everyone not to bother with birthday presents!

Birthday cakes number 2 (by Mum) and 3 (by Pinky)

 

Beautiful bouquet of flowers from Fiona and Philip

Gifts of fairy bells from Pinky and a pyrographed plaque of a Jay from my talented friend Lizzi

The party was quite hectic, with people coming and going throughout the day, and as always with these things there wasn't enough time to spend much of it with anyone! But by the time the heat of the day cooled into evening, we sat in a companionable group outside, drinking, re-telling old tales and sharing new ones, teasing, laughing... a memorable end to my birthday festivities.

So that was the beginning of my 'Summer of Closure' - the end of my forties. More soon...

Back Soon! In the Meantme...

Just popping in to say that this has been a memorable summer with lots of Big Stuff happening - and I'm finally getting around to writing about it. So either one mega-post or several short ones will be appearing soon. In the meantime, a little reminder that I have been writing a column for the online 'Pagan Pages' e-zine. My current column (The Tree of Life) can be found here, and previous columns are in the archives (or there are links at the bottom of the current Tree of Life post).

Back soon...

Ouch...!

My left hand - in happier times!

I am in pain. I have somehow torn a ligament in my left shoulder. Well, not 'somehow', I know exactly when and where it happened, just not 'why?'. On Saturday night, as I was undressing for bed I pulled my top off over my head - as I do every night. But on Saturday, for some reason I suddenly experienced a stabbing pain in my shoulder. I assumed I had just twisted it in some awkward way and by morning it would be feeling better. But by morning it was no better, and the pain was so severe when I tried to use my arm that I realised it was more than just a simple twist.

IB was lovely and took very good care of me - he took me to the cinema and out for a Chinese meal to cheer me up. I must admit that sitting motionless in the cinema for a couple of hours and being so scared by all the zombies in 'World War Z' my shoulder didn't hurt a bit (I made sure IB was sitting on my right so I could grab his arm during the scary bits!).

On Monday I downed some painkillers and set off to work, but even mostly working one-handed, by the afternoon the injured shoulder was so painful I had to cancel my afternoon job. I just about managed to work again on Tuesday morning (praise be to Paracetamol!) and luckily had Tuesday afternoon free anyway. But once the painkillers wore off, it became clear that the injury was becoming more, not less painful, and I began to worry that in trying to mute the pain and use my arm  in even a limited way, I was compounding the injury. Furthermore it was getting harder and harder to drive the car to work (or anywhere!) as changing gear was excruciatingly painful.

I rang my Wednesday morning job and explained the situation, and to my relief they said to take the day off. That afternoon my Dad very kindly drove me to the doctor's surgery. My GP gave me a thorough examination during which she eliminated the possibility of a pinched/trapped nerve (I retain full feeling in my hands/arms/shoulders, my grip is unaffected and I can move my arm normally - or I could if it didn't hurt so damn much). She is unable to say definitively if it's a torn muscle or a torn ligament, but my money is on the second. I've torn a muscle in the past, but while that was painful enough, I have never known joint pain like I am currently experiencing. If it is a ligament, it will take months to fully heal.

So I now have painkilling gel to rub into the affected area - well, I say 'rub' but it's more like 'dab on extremely gingerly' as even the lightest touch on my shoulder is currently enough to make me yelp. I also have some prescription painkillers, and I have put my arm in a sling which helps to support it and also acts as a reminder NOT TO USE IT even if the painkillers have dulled down the pain level. I have had to cancel the rest of my work week, which is a worry as things are pretty hand-to-mouth around here at the moment (I have lost a couple of clients since their own working hours were cut due to the recession). T though, has been kind enough to offer financial assistance if I need it.

The good news is that after doing virtually nothing yesterday except seeing the doctor, for the first time since Saturday, my shoulder feels a little better. It is still too painful to use my left arm for anything much, but the pain now seems less intense and more localised - initially my whole shoulder was jangling with pain and the ache extended from my jaw down my arm to my pinky finger. So I am hopeful that with a few more days' rest, I will be able to resume work as usual on Monday.

But isn't it strange how you take things for granted until they are not available to you any more? Left arm, as a right-handed person I have probably taken you for granted a lot of the time. I now realise that even if my right arm takes the lead most of the time, you are always there to lend support and stability, help with the heavy lifting, contribute to the alchemy of left and right co-creating together. Without you, I can't drive, or knit, or tie my hair back off my face; I can't use shears, or drain a heavy saucepan, or carry the basket of laundry to the washing machine. Precious shoulder joints, I never before fully appreciated the range of motion afforded to my arms by your flexibility and strength. I never really thought about the strain I put on you by carrying, lifting, digging, climbing, waving, swimming, painting a ceiling...

Our bodies are wondrous, complex things. All too often we focus on the things we don't like about them (wobbly tummy, frizzy hair, clicky knees, crooked nose, lack of sporting prowess, short sightedness, long sightedness, allergies...) instead of appreciating all the wonderful things they allow us to do and see and hear and taste and touch and smell and access, every day. Every. Day. While I take time out to recuperate, I am also taking time out to contemplate and appreciate and thank my wonderful body. It has served me well over the years. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Greendazzled

I am in love with the Green. Perhaps because it was so long in coming this year, now that the Earth is fully flooded by spring and newness and life, everything seems so intense. The leaves are so green, the sky is so blue, the grass is so long and lush. So many flowers, so much birdsong and bumbling of bees.

At work, I gaze out through windows into the beauty of the world and long to be outside, wandering under trees and feeling the roughness of bark, the tenderness of new leaves beneath my fingers. As I drive the car my gaze is caught and held by the beauty of every flower-clustered hedgerow, and it is hard to concentrate on the road ahead of me. Driving under hanging branches I catch glimpses of woodpeckers, sparrowhawks, finches, jays. Butterflies zig zag across the sun-soaked meadow. A shaggy-maned horse munches contentedly in a field bright with buttercups.

I want to leave the human world and dance in the meadow with the butterflies. I want to ride bare-back on the shaggy maned horse until I have lost my way. I want to wander through woods where pools of spreading bluebells cascade down the hillside into a foam of Queen Anne's Lace. I want to tiptoe through moth-fluttered twilight and sleep the night away on a bed of moss, watching the stars through branches of oak and beech...

It is intoxicating. I am faery-led. I am drunk on spring. I am greendazzled.

Announcing...

I am very proud to announce that I have been asked to write a monthly column for the online magazine Pagan Pages. My column is called 'The Tree of Life' and you can read my first article in the new Beltane issue here.

I feel very honoured to be asked to write this column and I am very grateful to Pagan Pages and the lovely folks who run it for giving me this opportunity. Of course I will continue to blog here at Moonroot too - I love my blog and the wonderful people it has enabled me to connect with via the blogosphere.

Happy Beltane, one and all.

Little Miracles, Part 2

This morning, as I prepared to leave for work, I discovered my purse was missing. It's such a horrible feeling of cold shock as you realise, yes, it's definitely gone. Even worse, there had been £100 cash in it, wages not yet paid into the bank.

After combing the house and car, I rang the last place I knew I'd had it: a shop visited yesterday. To my huge relief, it had been handed in, so I drove over to collect it. From the conversation with the shopkeeper, I wasn't clear if anything was missing and to be honest I fully expected the cash to be gone. I was just hoping my debit and credit cards and drivers license were still there, anticipating what a huge pain it would be to have to cancel them all and arrange new ones.

To my utter amazement and genuine delight, not a thing was missing from the purse. Not so much as a penny, so far as I can see. What a wonderful affirmation that there are kind, lovely, honest people in the world - especially after the horrors in the news lately.

This little episode is a welcome reminder that there are far more good people in the world than bad. Even in these difficult, cash-strapped times, people don't take advantage of each others' misfortune. They want to help, they want to treat others as they would like to be treated themselves. Yesterday on Facebook, in the wake of the Boston bombings I saw this lovely quote: "When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” - Fred Rogers. What a great reminder that as a species, although we are capable of great evil and great cruelty, we are also capable of selflessness, generosity, compassion and all manner of good things. Today I am choosing to remember that "You will always find people who are helping". Another small miracle.