Thursday, 12 March 2009

A Piece Missing


Tigger and her sister Teasel came into our life aged 6 in 1999, when a friend persuaded us to adopt them. They had belonged to her neighbour, a woman who was now terminally ill; her husband was her carer and struggled to cope with job, terminally ill wife, children, running the household and pet care. Something had to give, and as a result Tigger & Teasel ended up living in the garden with a rather intermitttent supply of food. My friend asked if we'd adopt them, and we did.

Tigger and Teasel were from the same litter, but as different as chalk and cheese. Tigger was very big for a female cat, strong, big-boned, sleek of fur and boldly striped. Teasel was small and fluffy with a delicate heart-shaped face and subtle dark mackerel-striped tabby fur. Tigger was a diva from nose to tail, highly strung, proud, regal, thoroughly convinced that she was the centre of the universe. I used to joke that she thought T and I were a pair of trained monkeys employed to wait on her. Teasel was sweet, affectionate and sociable. I nicknamed Tigger my Princess and Teasel my Angel.

Unfortunately, Tigger and Teasel never got on. Perhaps because they'd had to compete for food during their life as outside cats, or perhaps they were just too different. But somehow we all learned to work round each other and when we moved to Wales in 2000 they came with us to a new life in the country.

Teasel adapted to the countryside well, and became an expert hunter, once even struggling back home with a rabbit bigger than herself (which I rescued and freed, much to her disgust). Tigger enjoyed a life of aristocratic snoozing in sunny patches under the hedge. Both were spoiled rotten by T and I.

In 2004 we added two kittens to the household, Bear and Marley. Teasel acted like a slightly impatient aunt and taught them hunting skills, and Bear in particular followed her around with a look of hero-worship. Tigger on the other hand treated them with utter disdain and was quick to quash any kitten nonsense with a swipe of the paw should they dare to approach her royal personage. They soon learned to stay out of reach, although Marley could never resist attacking a sleeping Tigger's tail.

We were all heartbroken the following year when it was discovered that Teasel had an inoperable tumour in her stomach and had to be put down.

Down to three cats, a clear class system evolved. Tigger was the Princess, the grand old lady who expected total respect and obedience. Bear and Marley grudgingly showed deference, giving grumpy Tig a wide berth.

Despite her diva-like demeanour, Tigger was always very affectionate to us and liked nothing better than to snuggle on a cosy lap. She especially adored T, who adored her back. When she developed health problems a couple of years ago and had to be given a tablet twice daily, she proved to be surprisingly good about taking the medication. Gradually as the years passed she slowed down, but still enjoyed cuddles, time in the garden every day and a healthy appetite.


Last Monday, after a normal start to the day (jumping up on the bed for a cuddle when the alarm went off, breakfast, walk in the garden) she suddenly developed breathing problems. By the time I got her to the vet she had deteriorated quite quickly. The vet tried injections and putting her in an oxygen tent, but it was no use. There was no improvement and when she became distressed by the inability to breathe the decision was made to put her down.

T came down after work on Tuesday and with many tears from both of us, we buried her in one of her favourite sunny spots under the hedge.

I am glad in a way that it happened quickly, with minimal suffering. But now it seems there is a piece missing. I mentally count one, two, three - no, only two cats now. Even though much of her time of late was spent sleeping, I feel the lack of her presence. Such a big personality leaves a big empty space when it goes.

RIP Tigger - survivor, Princess, big stripy purring machine, friend.

Thursday, 5 March 2009

True

I used to know who I was.


I was the girl who was going to be a writer.
The curious girl, who sang to the moon,
Believed that love conquered all,
And laughed out loud with her heart on her sleeve.


I forgot who I was.

Somewhere I lost my bearings,
Confused by the girl I saw reflected in your eyes.
I thought she was me.
She was not.


And now, the reflection shattered,
Illusion fades.
The ground shifts beneath my feet - who am I?


I know who I am.


I am the woman who writes.
The curious woman, who sings to the moon,
Believes that love conquers all,
And laughs out loud with her heart on her sleeve.



Sunday, 1 March 2009

Dydd Gŵyl Dewi Sant*



Just in the nick of time for Saint David's Day, a handful of daffodils have opened in the garden this morning. The cold winter we've had has set many plants back - for example the snowdrops at Halfway Up A Hill are only now really in full swing. Yet this morning is bright and sunny and full of birdsong; the first few daffodils are shining brightly and little purple clusters of crocuses I had forgotten planting are peeping up through the grass. I can hear lambs bleating on the hills, and extravagant tassels of hazel catkins dance in the hedge with the slightest breeze.


Oh yes, spring is here alright - croeso i gwanwyn!**
* Saint David's Day
** Welcome to spring!

Wednesday, 25 February 2009

Lessons From Barcelona


Funny how some things continue to reverberate through one's mind for some time. A particularly thought provoking book or film for example, sometimes rattles around in my head for weeks, months, years. My recent trip to Barcelona is still rattling in there too, and I think I have gained some interesting perspectives from the time we spent there.
The first thought I keep returning to was sparked by a quotation from Gaudi I came across on our first day in the city. It struck me so much at the time that I wrote it down. On the subject of his passion and masterwork, La Sagrada Familia, Gaudi wrote:

"I will not finish or develop further the fragments of model of the bell towers on the main facade. I have decided to leave it only scheduled so that another generation will collaborate on the Temple, as is repeatedly seen in the history of cathedrals.

The work of the Sagrada Familia progresses slowly because the master of this work is in no great hurry."


I find this an amazing and inspiring attitude. Gaudi was completely obsessed with his creation, even living at the construction site so that he could devote all his time to the work in hand. And yet he was able to stand back enough, trust enough, to leave some of the vision to unknown, perhaps as yet unborn others to complete. I know that I would find that really hard. I may not be building a cathedral - only painting a wooden box, fringing a shawl or moulding a mask, but I have in my head a clear idea of what I want it to be. I would find it incredibly hard to hand over to someone else, and even if I did, the temptation to stand over the project supervising would be overwhelming. And this was Gaudi's master work, almost his raison d'etre. How incredible to have that trust in the unknown future... I find that very humbling and very inspiring.
In the second part of the quote I initially thought Gaudi was referring to himself as 'the master of this work', but on reflection I think he meant God. I think he meant that as the work he was doing was for God, only God need worry about how long it took to complete. And as God is immortal, then he is not at all worried.
I may not worship the same God as Gaudi, but I like the idea of dedicating our creative endeavours to whatever we hold sacred, be it spirit, God, Goddess, the ocean or our beloved ones. It gives the creative process a whole extra dimension, and, I suspect, gives added integrity to the process. For in creating as an act of devotion to that we hold sacred, how could we possibly turn out shoddy, sub standard or rushed results?

Monday, 23 February 2009

Work of the Heart

I have been away this weekend, at a planning meeting for Avalon Spring, this year's Witchcamp. It was tiring driving up to Croydon and back in two days (including a couple of diversions to pop in and see Mum & Dad and to give my friend Gaia a lift back to Swansea), and the meeting required a certain amount of hard work too!

But it is exciting to see the project coming together so well. I love the unique event that is a Witchcamp, and it is gratifying to put in the graft that makes it happen and see the resulting enjoyment of others. And of course it was wonderful to spend time with my good friends, not only working but laughing, talking, eating and drinking together. Isn't it a fact that the company of good friends makes any work a pleasure?

Here's the publicity we've sent out to people via email - I think this is going to be a great camp!

Charge of the Goddess

A 6 day residential intensive in Reclaiming and Feri magic 23 - 28 May 2009

In the leafy freshness of early summer, step out of time between the mists of Avalon at our magical intensive, Avalon Spring. We will meet together within the sacred enclosure of Avalon, to create sacred space and experience ritual, trance work, visualisation, ecstasy, sacred drama, ecomagic, dancing, chanting, storytelling, community building and have lots of fun! Our venue, EarthSpirit lies nestled within the beautiful Somerset hills, surrounded by fields and woodland. Avalon Spring has a long and intimate relationship with the land at EarthSpirit and has made deep connections with the beings that reside there - visible and invisible, and human and non-human - and is happy to be back there for 2009.

*****
Listen to the words of the Great Mother...
and so it begins; our journey into this beautiful and profound
piece of liturgy originally written by Doreen Valiente that embodies
most witches’ concept of the many faces of
the Goddess. Her many names come to us through time.
‘For behold, I am the mother of all things and My
love is poured upon the earth.
For behold, I have been with you from the beginning, and I am that which is
attained at the end of desire.’

Working through the lens of the Charge of the Goddess, we will explore the ecstasy of devotion and our inherent Divinity and Humanness through daily pathworking and evening rituals.


'Present and aligned. Divine and Human. We are paradox and possibility.'

The intention for the 2009 Avalon Spring intensive invites us to become who we really are.
Join us from the 23 to 28 May 2009 as we explore what it means to be aligned and present, divine and human and to be paradox and possibility. We will celebrate our divine selves and immerse our ’selves’ in the Charge of the Goddess. Gather with us to do the work the multiverse calls us to do at our 11th residential intensive just outside of Glastonbury on the edge of Compton Dundon village in Somerset.

Avalon Spring is a 6 day residential intensive in witchcraft and earth based spirituality in the Reclaiming Tradition, which this year will also be exploring the Feri roots of Reclaiming. We welcome all traditions and people of all experience levels, and invite all to come together as community to explore practical magic, devotional practices and ‘craft’ skills to take into our everyday lives.

Dorm Place, £450-£600
Camping Place £350-£500
(Cost includes all meals)

To enquire about booking, or for details of concessionary places and sliding scales contact us:



Saturday, 14 February 2009

Bah Humbug!


Valentine's Day this year is a challenge for me. It's probably just circumstances (or perhaps because it falls on a weekend when everyone has more time to devote to it), but this year' annual celebration of love seems inescapably in-your-face to me.
What is particularly sticking in my craw is the realisation that the card I received from T last year wasn't the only one he sent. And the fact that the one I received would have been sent out of expediency rather than passion.
Still, luckily this year I haven't received any cards at all, for which I am truly grateful. A sympathy Valentine at this stage would have been more than I could bear!
Even so, today there are several other more positive realisations going on in my head. Firstly, spring is most definitely in the air - St Valentine's day is traditionally the day that birds choose their mates, and true to that there is a lot of bird song and activity in the garden. Secondly, I am moving on emotionally, even if today is a bit of a hiccup in that progress.
And thirdly, despite all, I still believe in true love. I think this must be what they call the triumph of hope over experience, but still. I'd rather be an optimistic idealist than a pessimistic cynic.
So I say both Bah Humbug and a very Happy Valentine's Day to you. But mostly Happy Valentine's Day.

Monday, 9 February 2009

Playing Catch Up, Part Four: I Never Thought It Would Happen

I first heard The Rubinoos back in 1977, when I was 13. I fell instantly in love with their infectious cover of an old Tommy James and the Shondells song, 'I Think We're Alone Now' (you can find their version - to my mind the definitive one, but then I'm a little biased! - here). I played their records incessantly throughout my teenage years - I'm still amazed that I never actually wore a hole through my copy of the LP 'Back to The Drawing Board'. They were absolutely my favourite band bar none, and my obsession with them expanded to an affection for their fellow label-mates on Beserkley Records, Greg Kihn and Jonathan Richman (and to a lesser extent, Earthquake). Yes I know, you've probably never heard of any of them! Beserkley titled itself 'Home of the Hits', but this was a rather inaccurate assessment of affairs. As a small independent label, Beserkley was hampered by limited resources (such as being unable to afford to send its artistes on national tours), or by sheer bad luck at critical moments (such as their distributor going bankrupt just as a new album needed to be in the shops). Either way, The Rubinoos never hit the big time.

Fast forward a few years to the mid-90's, when I discovered on a nostalgic trip through my old vinyl collection that I still really really liked The Rubinoos. Further investigation revealed that they had re-formed and were releasing albums again! My obsession reignited, and since then I've been a dedicated collector of their music and memorabilia. Yet I'd still never seen them play live - partly because they mostly play in either California or Tokyo which is a bit of a trek from Wales! They played in Spain about 6 years ago, but I didn't find out in time to make the trip.

So I was thrilled to find they were playing a mini-tour of Spain in February 2009, and absolutely determined that I'd be there. Still rather a long way to go, but how could I miss this chance? Cathy & Julian agreed to come with me to Barcelona to sample the heady mix of Gaudi, tapas and Californian power-pop!

Before the concert I posted on The Rubinoos fans' Yahoo list about how excited I was to finally be seeing them perform live, and received a lovely reply from the band's bass player, Al Chan inviting me to come and introduce myself to the band at the show. This was wonderful, but also made me incredibly nervous - I knew I would be completely awe-struck and tongue tied if I had the chance to actually meet my idols.

By the time we left the hotel for the evening my tummy was already doing flip-flops and I was absolutely certain I wouldn't be able to eat any dinner. We were uncertain what time the gig started (in all the chaos of my departure I hadn't written it down and the tickets didn't specify!), so we decided to go straight there early and then kill time in a bar or restaurant if necessary. At 7.30pm when we arrived at the venue (The Apolo 2) the place was in complete darkness and for a moment my heart sank: we must have got the date wrong! But when Julian experimentally pushed a door, it opened, and we entered. Going on through heavy double doors, we followed the sound of music.

To my utter astonishment and delight, the next door we opened revealed the Rubinoos on stage, doing their sound-check. And they were playing one of my absolute favourite songs, 'I Never Thought It Would Happen' (an apt title at that particular moment)! I stood there in the doorway in stunned bliss, wearing a goofy grin and unable to believe this moment was real. When they finished the song, we asked the guy doing the sound set up what time to come back and were advised 'about 10-ish'.

That left a bit of time to kill, so we went round the corner to a cafe and had a couple of beers, and then found a small restaurant where I picked at some felafels and salad, still feeling very nervous. By now it was 9.30pm and I was fidgety and anxious to get back to the Apolo 2. So we strolled back and entered. We got some drinks at the bar and I bought the latest album, 'Hodge Podge' (a special Spain-only release to coincide with the tour), then we found a seat at the back. But we weren't seated long before the support band, Suzy & Los Quattro came on, and we moved to a comfortable place at the end of the bar from where short little me could see the stage over everyone's heads.

Suzy & Los Quattro were pretty good, but my nerves didn't subside until The Rubinoos appeared. Just hearing those familiar tones melted my anxiety, and then I was swept away by the music. The set list (for the record, just in case another Rubinoos fan reads this) was Altamont, Arcade Queen, Hard To Get, Early Winter, Tonight, Driving Music, I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend, Perfect Stranger, Stingray, Must Be A Word, I Never Thought It Would Happen, Hit The Nerve, In The Worst Way, Amnesia, I Think We're Alone Now, Rock and Roll Is Dead, and Sugar Sugar (encore).

The band's reputation as a great live act proved to be well-founded. They hit just the right balance between sounding fresh yet polished, tight yet relaxed; and the between songs banter is witty and entertaining, drawing in the audience and creating a great atmosphere.

Just after 'Hit The Nerve', Al Chan announced that they had been asked to dedicate the next song ('In The Worst Way') to me! Unnoticed by me, Cathy had sneaked off to the front and handed the band a note asking them to dedicate a song to me because I'd come all the way from Wales to see them! I was called to the front and spent the remainder of the gig at the foot of the stage in a happy daze singing myself hoarse and applauding until my hands hurt.

Finally the concert was over (I wished it could have gone on and on), but luckily Cathy & Julian were there to push star-struck me forward to get the band to sign my copy of 'Hodge Podge'. Jon Rubin, Al Chan, Susie Davis and Tommy Dunbar autographed the CD for me, we had a lovely chat with Al (who was just so friendly and welcoming), and Cathy & I got to have our photo taken with Jon. They jokingly asked me to get them a gig in Wales. Wouldn't that be amazing! Anyone want to come and see the band in Wales?!

At last we left, with me still grinning like an idiot. How lucky I am to have friends and family who will accompany me while I chase my dreams! How wonderful is a Universe that contains The Rubinoos! How amazing that 32 years after hearing the band for the first time on the radio I was singing and dancing in a beautiful Spanish city while they played live in front of me! How utterly incredible to have a song dedicated to me!

I'm still grinning and singing now, back safely in Wales. I Never Thought It Would Happen - but it did.

P.S. I've Googled the Barcelona concert but haven't been able to find any video from it. But here are The Rubinoos from the concert they played in Madrid the night before, playing (what else?), 'I Never Thought It Would Happen'.